About Healthcare

Here is a little something I wrote last night. Its up for debate.

Accreditation and regulation work hand in hand in health care agencies to insure quality of care. First of all, to understand their roles and meaning we must know the definitions. According to the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary, ‘regulation’ comes from the root word ‘to regulate’, meaning ‘govern or direct according to rule and to bring under the control of law or a constituted authority’. Interestingly enough if you look at the etymology of the word ‘accredit’ you will see it comes from the Latin word accreditus which is the past participle of accredere, ‘to give credit to’, break down the word more and it can be divided into ad and credere meaning ‘to believe’. In fact, the word ‘creed’ comes from the Latin word ‘credere’. So ‘to accredit’ an agency is to not only give credit to the agency but to believe the way it functions is at a certain standard.

Health care agencies nationwide are both subject to regulation and accrediting authorities. The regulation agency may be as small as a regulating committee in a hospital or a state run regulation agency such as the Department of State Health Services (DSHS). These agencies ensure that healthcare agencies are following laws and upholding standards of care. On the other hand, an accreditation committee such as the Joint Commission on the Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations (JCAHO) upholds a nationwide standard of care. Their job is to institute standards and to issue accreditation to those agencies and organizations that meet those standards. A regulation agency is like a police officer in a local community ensuring compliance, whereas the JCAHO are the politicians that make the standards and offer their stamp of approval (accreditation) if they are compliant

When I think of health care and regulatory and accreditation agencies the first two that come to my head are the Joint Commission on the Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations (JCAHO) and The Department of State Health Services (DSHS). I believe that the most impact on quality of care lies with the State run regulatory agency. The reason is that this agency can focus in on the hospitals in their state; therefore they have a more specific scope of jurisdiction. The regulation agency (DSHS) makes sure that regulations are enforced and quality of care is being given. They can closely monitor their state and thereby know what their areas of improvement are and work on improving those areas. The JCAHO, on the other hand, is a federal commission, and is physically unable to monitor all 3,537,441 square miles of this great country of ours. It is impossible to ensure that regulations and standards of care are being met on a daily basis with the number of visits they pay to a healthcare facility. The accreditation they merit to a healthcare facility is based on a belief that they are upholding standards of care. However the JCAHO does know with clarity that the institution is upholding standards of care with one or two visits a year. It is up to the State to pick up the slack and keep up quality of care.

I believe there should be less regulation of health care by the federal government. The individual states should reform healthcare based on the needs of their citizens. It should be more individualized this way to ensure that the quality of health care is in the hands of its state run regulatory agencies. I tend to disagree with opposing view that think with such a massive problem as healthcare in our country a massive solution is needed and this solution is the federal government imposing taxes and using its infrastructure and power to reform healthcare. This belief that the federal government has the power, if given the money, to reform healthcare is ludicrous. We already see wasteful use in our tax dollars spent on frivolous things, for example $3.4 million dollars of the stimulus was used on building one turtle tunnel in Florida (Huffington Post, June 20, 2009). Can we really trust that given the money the federal government will make an exception and not waste tax dollars this time? Additionally, half of all healthcare in this country is already being paid for by Medicare, Medicaid, State Children’s Health Insurance Programs and the Veteran Affairs. Regulation power and capability to uphold quality of care comes from tax payer dollars and that money should be left in the hands of the States.

Texas Friends

I remember a time where I had friends to call up and hang out with all the time. There was never a dull day. Wherever I have lived, which has been various places, I have always made friends. Everyday was an adventure. I was never bored.....

Until now.... I am so freaking bored.

All of my close friends are a 1-3 hour drive away from me. So if I wanna have fun with friends I have to plan it out over a weekend.

I have my friends in Houston. My friend Mexican Princess and her girlfriend Blondie and Blondie's best friend since childhood Adam Sandler, (he looks exactly like Adam Sandler, its awesome).

How did I meet these people?

When I used to live here in Texas, back when I was in the Army. I had a friend, Julia Stiles
(she looks like Julia Stiles to me) who was dating Mexican Princess in San Antonio. Julia Stiles left to New York to go to Law School, which she graduated (I am so proud of her) and broke up with Mexican Princess who then met Blondie after she moved to Houston a year later.

My friends in San Antonio are also fun. Eve and her girlfriend Smoking Hot. I met Eve also through Julia Stiles, they had been on a few dates but it never progressed to anything serious. Julia Stiles suggested that Eve and I become friends because Eve is so freaking hilarious!! I can't be with Eve without laughing so hard my stomach hurts. Now she has Smoking Hot, they have been together for one year and just moved in together. Hooray for them!!

So the web of friends here in Texas all lead back to Julia being our common denominator. Yes, Julia Stiles has dated a lot!! But she just has a lot of charm and irresistibly. And yes I am guilty also. I met Julia Stiles in language school in Monterey, California. We met at Lighthouse Bar and Grill (the only gay bar in the city). I can imagine what you are thinking.... It wasn't like that....

"You see that girl over there," the Bar Tender said to me and pointed to Julia Stiles sitting outside with her friends.

"Yeah," I said and took a drink of coke, "What about her."

The Bar Tender and I had been 'special friends' for several months. I was her go to girl when she needed...... company, to put it nicely. She was the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen, gay or straight, at this point in my underage life. She had me whipped, the entire 'thing' between us was all on her terms. I was her girl toy and I loved it and hated it at the same time.

"I invited her out on a date a few months ago and she showed up at my apartment wearing sweats," the Bar Tender said and laughed.

"Oh really," I said looking at the beautiful Julia Stiles. How someone could not want her was beyond me sweats or not, the Bar Tender must be crazy.

"I dare you to go and talk to her," the Bar Tender said mischievously and started mixing a drink for a customer.

So I went to go and talk to Julia Stiles. I wasn't sure what purpose this would serve, but there was one thing for sure, the Bar Tender was a devious playeress. A gorgeous playeress nonetheless but still a game player. I decided that I was going to play a game of my own.

"Hey, my name is Jasmine Vanilla," I said to the beautiful blonde Julia Stiles.

"I know who you are Jasmine," she said matter-of-factly.

"Really!??" I said shocked.

"Everyone at this bar knows who you are," she said and took a puff of her cigarette, "and you go to class with my best friend."

"Right," I was unaware of these new facts, "the reason I came to talk to you is because I want to ask you out."

"Oh, yeah sure....but aren't you dating the Bar Tender?" she said and started to write down her phone number.

"I wouldn't call it dating," I said and gave her my phone number and walked back to report to the Bar Tender who was more than curious about what had happened. I told her that I just introduced myself and had small talk, little did she know that the tables were about to turn on her.

So Julia Stiles and I went out on a date for the sole purpose of upsetting a venomous woman we had both had the pleasure of 'dating'. The thing about poisonous plants is that they appear the most beautiful among all the plants, so you are deceived until you finally bite into it and start feeling its unforgiving actuality of its existence, to prey upon the innocent.

Our first date went marvelously. We had so much to talk about, so much in common, and enough differences to make things interesting. I had a great night so I decided to park at the beach and kiss her. It lasted about 20 seconds but within that time I realized there was absolutely no chemistry what so ever. As I drove her back to her barracks on base I could tell the feeling was mutual. Despite all this we became great friends, and I am thankful for that.

Its been 7 years since Julia Stiles and I met, and I have her to thank for introducing me to my friends in Houston and San Antonio.

Lastly, my friend Shorty in Killeen, Texas. A short Peruvian girl with whom I had the pleasure of meeting in one of my community college classes I was taking when I was stationed in Killeen. We sat next to each other and instantly cliqued. She may be small but she packs a lot of punch, so don't mess with her, she will kill you.

So there you have it, besides my friend India and Croatia here in Waco, I have several friends in Texas, they are just to far to hang out with regularly.

Which leads to my dilemma. The boredom..... and loneliness on the weekdays that I have off.

Emergency Room

I have been working in the ER with a preceptor for the past 5 weeks. I have learned a great deal about Emergency Medicine, valuable lessons about acute care and a lot about people.

The ER that I work at is comprised of three zones, red, blue and green (which is rarely open) and Minor Emergency Care (which I shall never deal with being a RN.) There are a total of 40 rooms all together. On one given shift there are 3-5 Medical Doctors, an Emergency Nurse Practitioner, and at times Physician Assistants. Additionally, there are 10 RNs who have 4 rooms each. Working with the RNs are nurse techs (who are nursing students) they are an enthusiastic member of the team and do everything legally possible without a license. The other team members of the ER team are unit clerks who manage orders and take phone calls, housekeepers, and CT, Xray, and Respiratory Therapists.

An RNs job is to do an initial assessment, draw labs, start IVs, give medications, and monitor the patient. Most importantly they serve as advocates to the patients. We are the eyes and the ears, the first line of care. If we believe the patient is about to cease from breathing or their blood pressure is dangerously low, we go to the MD and let them know. We review medication orders and if we believe that the drug will cause more harm then good for the patient we relay our concerns with the MD, we double check their math on dosages and compatibility. We also anticipate treatment and labs needed, and most of the time we already have blood drawn, urine collected, cultures obtained and EKGs done before the doctor even orders them. We just know. This makes your stay at the ER a shorter amount of time, good nurses who know their jobs.

I mainly deal with the RNs, needless to say most of them are girls. One of which being my friend and classmate India. She would also agree with me that infiltrating the RN emergency nursing room has been tough, these girls have formed cliques and resent new people. They are mostly Associate Degree Nurses, and they wear their degree with pride. For this reason I keep my Bachelor Degree a secret, I don't want them to resent me more or cease to assist me with my questions that only experience can answer. There is one or two BSN nurses, they somehow managed to put white out on their badge and write in dark pen next to their name, 'BSN.' I believe that all the BSN nurses are charge nurses too. I refuse to flaunt my degree having very little experience on the floor. The male nurses, which I have only met 5 of them, yes one of them is gay, very gay. The other 4 are former EMT guys who had the brain to see that they could get paid more as a nurse and went back to school. They are probably the most competent nurses on the floor and the nicest, they are nowhere near as judgmental as the female nurses.

The patients we receive are various. I have noticed that there are several categories of patients. There are the really old people. They seem to really enjoy being in the ER, they see it as a social visit. I imagine they are very lonely people. For the most part the really old people love the attention us young nurses give them. It is almost like they get depressed when you have to discharge them. Then there are the several patients we get that have chest pain, only about 25% of all chest pain patients actually end up being a heart attack, but we take the necessary precautions regardless with nitroglycerin, morphine and aspirin, the rest of the cases is pneumonia, bronchitis, pulmonary embolism or a pulled muscle. These patients, about 75 % of them, are easily irritated, they get annoyed at the length in which we keep them in the ER. Let it be known that if you go into the hospital for chest pain you can expect to be their no less than 4 hours, and that is if you are lucky, most likely you will be there for 6-8 hours. The other group of patients we get is abdominal pain for females, I have noticed a lot of these patients. Females with their female reproductive system, whether it be an inflammation caused by an STD, a pregnancy, ectopic or normal, or a urinary tract infection. These are usually younger women, many of them you know are permiscous just by looking at their slutty faces. haha ok that is harsh but it is so true. Another group of people that come in are the ones that have colds, flus, pneumonia or bronchitis. Many of them children brought in by their paranoid parents. Most of these people could easily be treated at their family doctor's office but overreact. Then of course we have the people who have freak accidents, bug or snake bites, allergic reactions, broken bones and dislocations and suicidal patients (we get a lot of those.)

My first week in the ER one male nurse 'Bob' (not the gay one) told me that the ER is comprised of scum bags and real emergencies. He then told me 90% of the people who come in the ER do not need to be there, only 10% are real actual emergencies. I didn't realize how right he was until I started working on the floor. Most people who come in to see us could easily see their primary care provider, BUT in the ER if they don't pay us the hospital can't do anything about it nor does it reflect on their credit score. The ER is filled with the poor class of our society who can't afford a doctor or insurance in the first place. It is truly sad.

I love the ER. I thoroughly enjoy working. My nurse educator at the ER told me that Emergency Nursing runs in your blood and once you have a taste you are hooked, you will never do any other kind of nursing. I think that she is right, I can't see myself doing anything else in nursing. I found my place in this career field. Only 3 or 4 more weeks with a preceptor and I am on my own on the floor. I can't wait.

Are Dreams A Window to the Soul?

Yesterday I got off work at 7am and went straight to bed, finally sleep after a hectic 12 hour shift in the Emergency Room. I suppose every shift in the ER is stressful, but I live for anything that is not ambiguous. I fell asleep in my scrubs, as usual when I came home from work. They are just so comfortable it is a miracle I don't fall asleep at work.

So last night I had another dream about my ex girlfriend Dulce (I am not sure if you can call her girlfriend seeing as how we only lasted three weeks although we fell in love before we actually got together, I suppose if it felt real then it was a real relationship...... This is up for debate.) This is the second dream in one week, haunting me.

I thought it was over actually, I stopped dreaming about her two weeks after I left to go to Texas. I must admit, the 24 hour drive from Las Vegas to Texas was incredibly hard for me. The thought of leaving Dulce alone in Vegas kept plaguing my mind, I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing or the stupid thing. It was true I fell in love with a girl, it didn't seem to be working so I ran. I have now accepted the fact, that what I did was run away from the problem.

Most people say that running away from your problems only make them worse. In any other case I would have to agree. In this situation the running I was doing was out of love, I couldn't watch us destroy ourselves, our shot of having something good. The fact was, it wasn't going to work at that time and I had the experience and foresight to see this clearly. I could see that if I had stayed any chance of us being a happy couple would be torn into a million pieces and burned, never to be put together again.

So here I am... Am I waiting for Dulce to come around? Not really, I think that if it is meant to be it will happen. Am I completely over her? Probably not, but I am not dwelling on the past. And yes, I do miss her a ton.

So last night I had a dream about Dulce. It was more like a nightmare because I woke up in a panic, every hair on my arm standing up and my eyes were watering a tiny bit like I was on the verge of tears.

My Dream

Spanish Fork, Utah at my Grandma's House for a family lunch (Funny my grandma is neither alive, nor was her house in Spanish Fork.)

It was a family gathering. We were all there, my brothers and sisters, parents, aunts and uncles. I was alone at the party, having only myself. Everyone else had spouses or significant others. Not me, the single Sarah... as it were.

There was a knock at the door, it was Dulce, she was with this short ugly skinny guy who I recognized was a guy from High School way back in the day. But in this dream, he and I were siblings.

"Hey Sarah!" My ugly skinny brother who I went to High School with and I am not actually related to greeted me with a hug.

"Hey Cort!" I said trying to release myself from his embrace. In this dream, I secretly hated my brother.

"Hey Dulce," I said with an awkwardness, jealousy and hurt stabbed my heart deeply, "I see you finally found someone."

"Yeah," she threw another dart at my fragile bleeding heart, "we met in Vegas and now we are together. Isn't that great?"

"How wonderful for both of you," I lied.

The rest of the dream I had to sit and watch as my ugly brother held hands with her. I saw them stealing kisses from each other, laughing and smiling. It was a painful night, I tried to pretend that it wasn't bothering me at all, that I was the supportive big sister. I wondered what I would do if I was ever her sister-in-law. What a scary thought. How awkward would it be to 'want' your sister-in-law.

What is worse, is that I knew my ugly brother Cort was a scum bag, an ass hole. I predicted that he would not treat her right, not the way I would have treated her. I wanted so bad to save her from this unavoidable fate which was now hers. But there was nothing I could do, it was like watching a plane crash about to happen and not being able to call the pilot to change course.

I woke up angry, jealous, hurt and scared. Does this mean that I still have feelings for her? How would I handle her being with someone else when she finally finds someone? Will it hurt this much? I have put her out of my mind for a month and a half now, hoping that she was gone, but it turns out she was a suppressed memory. One that I was trying to bury under work and the business of my life. But things that are buried will always be found one way or another.

The Sky is the Limit

I shall be forever indebted to my friends India and Croatia, as I shall call them in this blog. For obvious reasons I call them by the countries they are from. I went to Nursing school with them in Interamerican University of Puerto Rico. Were it not for them I wouldn't have landed such a great job here in Waco, Texas as an Emergency Room nurse, my dream job, the reason I got into nursing in the first place. India and Croatia, now married, are practical people and unlike me in the beginning took the job opportunity as it was given to them. On the other hand, I had decided once I became registered 'I am living in Hawaii no matter what.' I was willing to forgo any job opportunities that came at me just so I could live in paradise. This attitude changed with every passing day I was stuck in the nursing home....

So, it was no wonder I left Hawaii to seek other job opportunities. Las Vegas, was no different according to various nurse recruiters and hospitals I had corresponded with. Nobody wants a new graduate Nurse working in their hospital, except in Texas. There was finally a light at the end of the tunnel. India had told me she thought it would behoove me to move to Waco and take the job, in order to get my foot in the door. In this way I would gain the experience that could help me land any other job I want in other more suiting states to my taste.

Last night, I had India and her husband Croatia over for dinner. We enjoyed three cheese tortellini soup I had prepared and spent time next to the pool while having ice cream. After about an hour Croatia had to go to his martial arts class, leaving his wife India with me for a few hours. She talked to me about her online Master degree classes at the University of El Paso. Take note, that she is not a citizen of the United States and has to continuously go to school in order to have a work visa. The luxury of just working is not given to international nurses anymore sadly.

My appreciation for Texas begins and ends with my incredible job opportunity. I much prefer living in a busier place, a city, a tropical island, a place that is more liberal in its views, more accepting of other ways of life. But for my friends who are not from this country, they are ecstatic about living in Texas. They are amazed by the space and fresh air, something I am sure is not so in abundance in India. I love how optimistic they are about this place, it makes it more appealing to me almost. Notice how I said almost.

I laugh sometimes at the reactions the Texans have to Croatia with his incredibly thick Croatian accent. Surprising alot of them have a really hard understanding him. I remember my first few weeks here, we all had decided to go to the dollar movie but didn't know where it was at. Croatia stopped the car and asked for directions.

"Pardon me," Croatia stops the truck and rolls down his window a little more.

"Huh?" The overweight Texan woman seems confused by the accent.

"Yes.....uhhh......good evening...." Croatia says and smiles at her, "we are looking for the dollar cinema."

"Looking for the what?" she seemed confused and shocked to hear such a thick accent, she wondered where he could possibly be from. 'probably from the middle east,' she thought.

"ummm the cinema..."Croatia wondered what he was saying to confuse her so much.

"I don't know what you are talking about," she said politely. You have to hand it to the Texans they are always polite.

"The dollar movie!" India finally realizes that the word 'cinema' was throwing off the poor woman.

We don't really use the word cinema in the states do we??

India asked me if I would help her with her online class. The problem is that the class is mostly writing opinion and research papers. How knowing about how Florence Nightingale changed nursing will make me a better nurse still stumps me, but it is a right of passage into the world of the Nurse Practitioner. There must be some reason they make us learn this. I could visualize it now....

"Hold still sir, while I put in this IV," I said and inserted the 20 gauge needle directly into his vein.

"Ughh that hurts alot!!" He winces out in pain.

"Well, its all done," I released the tourniquet and attached the tubing to the catheter. "I didn't do a half bad job, if only Florence Nightingale was here to see this, ,she would be so proud."

"Who is Florence Nightingale?" The gentleman asked as I hooked him up to the EKG.

"I am glad you asked sir," I attach the electrodes to his chest. "She is the mother of nursing, she made it a professional practice, something to be respected. Before her nurses were alcoholics and prostitutes."

"Hmmm," the Texan man nods completely unsure of what to say to that.

Awkward Silence........

I still can't think of a good reason of why I would need to know about all this nursing history. There must be a reason, someday this information will save someone's life. Till then I am going to write the most awesomely brilliant essays about nursing.

My friend India and I have a history ourselves. While at the University I always helped her with essays for English class. I loved proofreading and editing her work, writing is my passion.

* While you are all watching television, which I do not own, I write blogs, books, short stories, and poems. It is my thing, my hobby. *

Now is no different, I helped her storm up an idea for her writing assignment for this Master's Degree she is working on. I then realized to myself "I need to do this!!!" There is no good reason for me not to start working on my Master's Degree in Nursing. I felt this incredible surge of motivation, I am going to do this!! I am going to apply very soon and start working online for this degree. By the time that I am done, I will have had 2 years of experience as an Emergency Room Nurse and can begin my career as a Family Nurse Practitioner.

I feel really good about this plan, I am excited.

When Croatia came back from martial arts he reminded me of one thing....

"In American the sky is the limit," he looked directly in my eyes with a first hand knowledge that this is absolutely true, "unlike our countries, there is no limit to what you can do here if you work hard."

As a citizen of the United States I sometimes forget how lucky we really do have it. He is right, in this country we make our own luck and fortune. We create our own future, and we can do anything. It is incredible.

June Popcorn

On one summer night, in Scofield Barracks, Hawaii a Company of soldiers in training line up in formation. They all look at each other in wonderment, their questioning eyes and worst of all mouths inquire about the reason behind the fire alarm. I can only imagine the whispering 'who did it this time?' 'was there a fire?' or the classical response 'this is bullshit.' Leave it up to the soldiers in Advanced Individual Training to hang themselves if given enough rope.

"Shut up!!" An angry Company First Sergeant screams, everyone straightens out in formation, a formation of people, in their pajamas, some of them still in their 'civilian clothes', as they like to call them. But to those of us out of the military, they are normal clothes. "We are going to stay out here till we figure out why the dog gone fire alarm went off!!" another word constantly used in the military 'dog gone', the military lingo is one in its own.

The platoon Sergeants ran into the Barracks to seek out the source of the smoke that had caused the unwanted formation. It was no mystery that even the platoon Sergeants were annoyed probably thinking to themselves, 'dog gone privates,' (again with the 'dog gone') and 'they are going to get smoked if it turns out being caused by one of my soldiers.' The thought of causing physical pain on a bunch of privates put a smile on one platoon Sergeants face.

The soldiers in formation looked irritated with each other, their silent accusations manifested in their stares at each other, 'it was probably Potter,' one soldier in pink pajamas thought, 'he is the most ate up in the platoon.' (another word used in the military 'ate up' describing someone who basically does everything wrong from the way they wear their uniform to the manner in which they present themselves).

And in case any if you are wondering.... Yes I was 'ate up' during most of my enlistment, but this story isn't about me this time.

Another soldier wearing his black New York Yankees baseball cap backwards shot an accusing stare at Private Smith and his new barracks love, Miss SPC Turner. He wondered if they had lit candles to enhance their love making/ fraternization, something forbidden in the barracks. Worst of all Miss SPC Turner was the squad leader of Private Smith. He adjusted his hat and fantasized about becoming a Sergeant, 'then I will rip those privates a new ass hole,' he thought to himself visualizing how it would feel to smoke someone.

"Who in dog gone hell was making popcorn in the microwave!!!??" the First Sergeant held up a bag of popcorn just handed to him by one of the platoon Sergeant, the bag was black as charcoal, a trail of smoke following it as the First Sergeant waved it around.

Everyone in formation wondered to themselves.....'how do you burn popcorn in the microwave?'

"I did First Sergeant!," a female soldier in a green t-shirt and black sweat pants yelled out. Her face instantly turned red with embarrassment, but she knew this wasn't the first nor would it be the last time she would be called out for something like this.

"Private report to the front of the formation!" the First Sergeant yelled ready to humiliate yet another private, his passion, what he woke up for in the morning.

Earlier that day.

"Honey, here is your eggs and bacon," his loving wife Mrs First Sergeant laid out a plate of breakfast, most important meal of the day.

"Thankyou Mrs. First Sergeant." he said and stabbed his fork in the middle of his sunny side up, causing all the yolk to run all over his plate. "Mrs First Sergeant! What did I tell you about breakfast!?"

"It's the most important meal of the day Mr. First Sergeant?" she seemed a little confused by the question and untied her apron.

"Yes! So sit down and eat with me before I sit you down!" he smiled and they both laughed, his sick humor only understood by her, and him. She loved it when he yelled at her, it made her bell ring when he raised his voice. And he loved to yell at not only her, but anyone who would allow it. 'What a beautiful Army day,' he thought.

"So what you going to do today sir?" she asked and took a bite of her toast.

"Don't call me sir Mrs. First Sergeant, I work for a living!" he said to her in an authoritative tone. "Well, I hope that today I can either smoke or humiliate some private."

"Good luck with that hun," she said and took a sip of coffee, "make me proud."

Back to formation.....

The female private nervously ran up to the front of the formation. She hated that she was being called out and remembered her recruiter telling her to try to blend in and not stand out while in training. 'Just don't say anything stupid,' she reminded herself. She positioned her in the position of attention in front of the First Sergeant.

"Private! Can you explain this?!!" The First Sergeant showed the private the bag of popcorn burnt to a crisp.

"I....uhhhh..........saw some others making popcorn and it smelled good so I wanted some." she answered hesitantly.

"How on sam hill do you burn popcorn Private?" the other soldiers in the formation began to giggle. "All of you shut up and get down !!" he yelled at the formation.

Everyone got down in the front leaning rest position waiting for their next command, many of them still giggling at their fellow comrade.

"Well don't just lay their do something!" The First Sergeant yelled forgetting that he didn't tell them to do push-ups. They all began to do push-ups in their pajamas.

The platoon Sergeants began to yell at their platoons, "You heard your First Sergeant, shut your traps and get pushing!!"

The only one left standing at the position of attention was the private with the green shirt, shaking, nervous that after this everyone will be upset at her for doing something so seemingly stupid. 'How did I burn the microwave popcorn?' she thought to herself and tried to come up with an answer fast.

"I don't have all night Private!" The First Sergeant demanded an answer and looked the private up and down, the only words in his head were 'ate up'.

"I must have left it there and didn't check on it," she said trying to speak loud enough the First Sergeant could hear but not so loud everyone in the Company would hear. It was bad enough to be punished by the head NCO, she didn't need ridicule from her comrades on top of that.

"Unbelievable Private!!" The First Sergeant yelled. The formation of soldiers with a burning curiosity were unable to hear how there fellow soldier burned the popcorn.

"Ate up First Sergeant!" the private wearing the black New York Yankees cap yelled out while vigurously doing push-ups faster and better than everyone else.

"Is that my soldier of the month?!!" The First Sergeant called out recognizing the sound of his kiss-ass.

"Yes, First Sergeant!!" He yelled out proudly and increased the velocity of pushups in order to impress his first sergeant. He enjoyed the attention and tried to get it anytime he could. 'One day I will be a First Sergaent and show all these privates,' he thought to himself.

"I don't remember asking your opinion Private!" The First Sergeant yelled across the formation to his pee-on with the black baseball camp bursting his bubble, "and take off that dag gone hat in formation!! You private, are ATE UP!!"

The female popcorn burner, was relieved to have some of the spotlight taken off of her but was still humiliated from before. She hoped that the smoking would end soon and she could go back to her room, her sanctuary from the yelling, screaming, finger pointing and push-ups.

"Fall back in Private!!" the First Sergeant yelled at her relieving her of the spotlight. He looked at the formation, "Position of attention......MOVE!"

They all scrambled to get up from doing countless push-ups and stood at the position of attention. The Popcorn burner ran back to her spot in the line up as fast as she could 'that wasn't so bad,' she tried to convince herself.

"Get out of my sight!" The First Sergeant yelled, "Platoon Sergeants take charge of your platoons!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So how does this true story pertain to me? Let's just say that the Private who burned the popcorn is a friend of mine, with whom I have never met in person. She is one of my biggest fans of the blog that I write on myspace. She has been basically following my blog since June.

Therefore, I shall call her

Miss June Popcorn (that is a girl's name right?)

You, Miss June Popcorn, are hilarious... Thanks for sharing this story with me, and yes I know I embellished some parts of it according to how I envisioned this whole thing going down. But you have to admit, I am pretty close to knowing how it went down, having been in the army and all.

A Quick Autobiograhpy

Now that we have discussed why I call myself Jasmine Vanilla. I can move onto a little bit of history for those of you who need some catching up on my life.

Might I add, I am not writing this blog because I am a narcissist, but mainly for myself. It is sort of an introspective look at my life up until this point. This is my way of looking in the mirror. When you look in the mirror you see yourself, your physical being. I want to see inside myself, to know who I am, and I feel the best way to do this is to write. I welcome those who are inclined to view my blog for their insight, or in order to provide insight to those going through the same thing I am going through. Whatever that may be. So feel free to write comments or to share your thoughts.

Let's start from the beginning. I was born and raised in Utah County, the heart of the Mormon religion. And as you may have guessed I was raised Mormon. My parents were great people, humble and did everything they could to provide a great childhood to me, my sister and three brothers. I am very lucky to have such loving parents, who stayed together till death do them part. On my dad's part anyway. He died when I was 11 years old of brain cancer, leaving us alone. My mom was left to take care of 5 little kids singlehandedly. I still wonder how she did it, seeing as how I have a hard time supporting myself on an RNs salary,okay so i have expensive taste. She is one of the strongest people I know, somehow managing to feed us, cloth us and provide the best birthdays and Christmases any kid could ever hope for. Her love for us was unbelievable, a mother's love which is still a mystery to me. I have never conceived of a child, and therefor have no tangible clue of what it would be like to love someone so much you would die for them.

At any rate, two years later she met my step father, but I refer to him as a real father now because he certainly put the time and effort a real father would put into raising a kid. He is also a decent man. Now that I am in the dating world, I realize how great he really was and is. He met a woman, fell in love and took on the responsibility of raising 5 kids that were not his. On top of that he had 9 kids of his own! I think it takes a special kind of man to do that, seeing as how most would run if the woman had even one kid. I know that I would, or at least I think I would. He took on the role of father, and it suited him very well. He did a good job in raising us kids and we felt his love, the same kind of love our father had for us.

My step siblings I met as months and years went on after they got married. I met Bethany, Sarah and Jacob first. They were the closest to our ages. And coincidentally Sarah, not only shared the same name as me, but we were close to the same age. Her and I started on a rocky path, probably due to the fact that my little sister Laura and I pinched her boobs the first minute we saw her. Okay so we were a little strange. Then she scratched our arms with her long fingernails, we screamed out in pain, probably the worst pain we had ever felt besides the pain you feel when going to the dentist. Kids hate the dentist. But Bethany was not much better when we first met her, within the first few minutes the girl, probably 12 or 13 years old at the time, bit my shoulder. I was shocked and tried to pretend that it didn't happen. My other step sister, Rachael, who is 7 years older then me, didnt really become apart of our lives until she moved in with us, her and her twin daughters who were 2 years old at the time. They are 16 now!! It is so hard to believe! I always admired Rachael and strived to be even half as awesome as she is. The other step siblings I was never really close to, we saw them occasionally at family gatherings but didnt really talk to them much. Not that I wasnt interested in talking to them, I just never knew what to say. And still up to this point I have yet to meet all of them.

High School was an interesting time in my life. They say adolescence will be the most dramatic time of your life, they weren't joking! I went through a lot of phases, did a lot of stupid things. Life was so dramatic back then!! I was a troublemaker, I did everything and anything I could to mark my rebellion. Now I realize how stupid it is to do something just because your parents don't want you to do it. When you are a teenager you think "I want to have control of my life" and you go off doing everything you feel will make you in control, only to find the things you are doing aren't really things you want to do but things you feel you need to do to break away from your parents. Sorry mom and dad. So in a way, they are still in control. Now, I am an extremist, so I did rebel but to extreme levels which took me down a path where suddenly I felt stuck. This is where Sarah, my step sister, came in.

Sarah, grabbed me from my pit and helped me get my life back together. I will be forever grateful to her for being such a great sister to me. She lifted me from the darkness that I had created and introduced me to a new life. She convinced me that joining the Army as a Korean Linguist was the way to go, we both joined and started a new beginning in Monterey, California. I felt myself being reborn, the person I thought I was dissapeared and a new stronger version of myself emerged. I had finally gained control of my life thanks to Sarah.

Shortly after joining the Army, I came out of the closet to everyone. I started to realize that this was my life, and I have to be honest with myself. I also came to realize that many of my problems as a teenager stemmed from the fact that I hated the part of myself that wondered what it would be like to have a girlfriend. Now I could go on and on about my first girlfriend, but she ended up being a waste of time, so why bother? Let's just say, yes she existed. My parents didnt take it so well in the beginning but after some time, they learned to accept it. They only desired for me to be happy, as they always remind me. My other siblings step and real, are extremely supportive, especially Sarah when I first came out. It made it alot easier I must say.

Fort Hood Texas was my first and last permanent duty station. While there I served an onsight mission, meaning we didnt have to deploy to Iraq, for a full year. Personally speaking, I met the only really serious relationship I have ever had in my life, Frankie. We met through some friends, and immediately hit it off. It was magical, like a fairy tale in the beginning. I loved her deeply and truly. We lived together many years, and were the envy of our single friends. Nobody could possibly love a girl as much as I loved Frankie. But all good things come to an end.

After we both finished our contract with the army, we moved to Puerto Rico together to further our education. It was mostly my idea, I wanted to go somewhere completely different and learn about a new culture and language. Frankie was from there, so it was not hard to begin a life there together.

And when I say 'together' I mean six months. It didnt take us long to break up after starting school. Alot can be said about what exactly happened between us, but I will save that for now. Let's just say that I had to learn to take care of myself, the first time I had ever been completely alone. And by alone I mean, watching movies by myself in a hot apartment, eating ramon noodles, no air conditioning, no friends, nobody to hang out with. The only thing I had to look forward to was going to school or cooking myself dinner. It was frightening being so alone, and worst of all, nobody around spoke that much English. On top of all this I lived in one of the most dangerous ghettos in San Juan. These were the hardest days of my life, but I transformed into the strongest version of Sarah possible. Because of these three years on my own in a foreign place, I have learned that I can accomplish anything and survive anything and do anything. I had my limits tested and succeeded better then I thought I ever would. I surprised myself.

Of course, Puerto Rico wasnt all that bad. I met some amazing people. My best friend and new brother, Jeremie, a French Canadian, going to the same school as me. He and I met at the rock climbing gym near the school and became inseparable after. People always refered to us as "Will and Grace" except in our version Grace is gay and Will is straight. We spent almost every night, save the nights we went out exploring the island, in his small apartment, cooking dinner together, playing dominoes, talking endlessly..

Oh how I miss those talks.... Jeremie and I would spend hours talking, it was so therapeutic for the both of us. We would take turns talking about relationships and dating, our tricks, downfalls, and successions. We would also go out with various girls and if it went bad, we would spend hours joking around about it, turning a bad night into something to be mocked and laughed about. There were some nights I wished that my date would go bad so I could tell Jeremie about it later.

That and Jeremie had class and culture. Whenever I came to his house, he had in some kind of french music, jazz, Frank Sinatra or Celine Dion among other music. He had wine being poured into large goblets with an exotic cheese. He treated my presence, although I was merely a great friend, the same way he would treat any guest into his home. Our friendship was magic the kind only dreamed about, infact I had never in my life connected to someone in the same way I had connected with Jeremie. Perhaps because we were platonic, we felt extremely comfortable talking to each other about everything. It was and still is the most beautiful friendship I have ever had. I miss him a great deal.

It was sad to leave Puerto Rico, and Jeremie, but it was time to start my life as a Nurse somewhere else. After passing the NCLEX, I tried to live in Hawaii with my parents but there were no opportunities for new graduate nurses. It was hard to leave Hawaii, after falling in love with the place, the only place I had ever felt at home. I had hoped to golf, go to the beach, and enjoy the presence of my parents for years to come, but God had different plans for me. I figured that I would go back someday and work in a hospital, but this time would not be now. Instead I went to Las Vegas, where I stayed with my old friend and lover, at least at the time being. I had hoped to stay there and begin a life with her, but God wouldnt permit that either. It is complicated, but it didnt work out between us. So here I am in Texas, one of the only places that would hire a new graduate RN to be an Emergency Room Nurse. I don't regret leaving Hawaii or Las Vegas, I am super excited about working in the Emergency Room and feel incredibly grateful for the opportunity.

So here I am in Texas. A new beginning for me again.. I am excited, and can't wait to see what happens next.

Jasmine Vanilla

Let me introduce myself first. My name is Sarah, but for the sake of this blog I have chosed to be called Jasmine Vanilla. My favorite smell from the aromotherapy collection at Bath and Body Works. It is also my secret arsenol, it is the most seductive smell I have ever encountered. Everyone has fantasies, but mine include candle light and the smell of Jasmine Vanilla filling my senses. I remember this tool of a man, posing as my friend so many years ago suggesting I use Jasmine Vanilla to get a girl into bed with me. You might be thinking at this point. "Wait you are a lesbian??!!!" The answer to this question is.

Yes, I am! Accept it or find a different blog to read.

With that out of the way. Let me continue my story. I was after a girl with whom my only desire was to sleep with, believe it or not women are just as bad as guys SOMETIMES (whatever you do dont mistake me as a female player although I won't lie, I've had my phases) when it comes to sex and dating. At any rate, he suggested that I take it up a step and offer her a massage with Jasmine Vanilla massage oil, Jasmine Vanilla candlelight, followed by a Jasmine Vanilla Bubble Bath. Followed by *bell ringing* really hot sex.

Why did I believe him? you might be asking, was it because of his looks? Was he a mad crazy player? Did he wear gold chains? Did he mark off his sexcapades with notches on his belt? Who is this yoda player jedi passing on such great advice to yours truly? I will be honest with you, the guy was as ugly as ugly could be ugly. Forgive me for such a lack of adjetives, but I can't come up with anything besides what screams at me when I think about this guy "U-G-L-Y you aint got no aliby, you are ugly!" This is why I believed him! The man was a short stubby balding redneck, but the man got girls. He must of had some sort of magic to trick girls into sleeping with him, or even being next to him for that matter. He was yoda, the human version, the only difference.....Yoda is green. But he possessed the wisdom of knowing how to seduce women with words, touches, smells. Basically he used every sense, besides sight of course, to lure a woman into submission. The man was a genious. An oversexed Ron Jeremie passing on his methods to me.

Did I try it? Was I successful? I admit I bought the supplies and planned a visit to the apartment of my Cajun Girl, she was from Louisiana so it seems appropriate to call her Cajun Girl. She is probably drunk already, I am not usually partial to alcoholics but in the case of the pickup artists game of pick and roll, this did not matter to me. I wasnt getting married, not today. I remembered the advise from Ugly Yoda. .... You might wonder what that advise is........

Too bad!! I am not giving away all my secrets in a blog, let's just say it works.

I didn't sleep with her that night, no I did not. Fate would not have it. I left the mall, strutting myself to my amazing ride, yes it was a brand new Mustang in my favorite color, 'tonight is the night,' I sang to myself. I was excited, it's my time, my moment, time to get off. Just like the top of the massage oil as I sat in the driver's seat of my beautiful car, I took it off unscrewing it carefully. I filled the car with the smell of the most amazing aroma I have ever encountered. Now my car was just as phat smelling as the car itself! I wanted it to last forever.... And it did.

I stupidly put the massage oil in the middle consule without screwing the lid on tight, I guess I was thinking about screwing too much to realize the lack of screwing I was doing on the lid of my new favorite smell. I hit a few bumps, the way I drive this happens alot, and the massage oil poured all over in my middle consule, making a small pool of greasy erotic seductive smells. Now I was screwed, I never put a girl above my car at this point in my life (2002). Taking care of my baby car was far above my orginal plan of getting some. I chose cleaning my car over my hot Cajun Girl night stand. Next time.

So I have my priorities.... Doesnt everyone?

Needless to say, I called her and canceled what could have been an incredoubly hot date. I didnt regret it though, I still dont have any regret. She was just a girl, barely a friend, interested in nothing more than to experiment with me. Yes, she is a bicurious straight girl, never been out, never been with a girl. I was her first, but much later. I must admit before a year or so ago, I loved and welcomed the chance to be someone's first, but after a while I began to feel used, nothing more than a means to the end her curiousity. Straight women can be cruel cold bitches taking what they want and leaving nothing behind but your naked body curled up under 1000 count Egyptian thread sheets alone. If you are lucky enough to have such elegant sheets, sometimes you are left under 200 count cotton sheets, not cool straight girls, have some class and buy you some good sheets. You know us lesbians do!! Well most of us, maybe Butch Betty who goes to bowling night every friday night doesnt, but you could be suprised. Most of us have culture.

At any rate, I admit I get sidetracked. The smell lingered in my car for months, this wasnt at all tortourous to me, I enjoyed every second. The smell was seductive, it took my mind to places, thinking things I couldnt believe. The most incredible sex I have ever had in my life is imagined. Sometimes it manifests iteself outside the mind...You girls know who you are.

Not that there has been that many.... and NO I am not going to reveal how many in this blog, or any others. A girl can keep her secrets can't she? Just shake your head and say 'yes'.

I went home that night, put on some Celine Dion, lit the Jasmine Vanilla candle, took a Jasmine Vanilla Bubble Bath and..... massaged myself. Okay.. I joke, but I had you going there, unfortunately there was no more Massage Oil. It didnt stop me from enjoying myself though, and not in the way you are thinking. I relaxed all night long. It was a long seductive lonliness. Therapy, just like in the the title 'aromotherapy'.

I decided after this moment that I wanted to be Jasmine Vanilla. I want to come in a sexy package, and once she opens me she is intoxicated by the most incredible smell lingering. Something unforgetable, so fluid that it engulfs all her faculties. Also therapeutic, I want to be someone that can relieve all a girl's stress with one word one touch one kiss. I want to take the girl off guard with such an unimaginably erotic experience that she shall never forget, and when I am gone the feelings and smell linger for days but the memory stays forever.

Have I ever seduced a girl with Jasmine Vanilla? Sadly no, I have not. At least not with the product from Bath and Body Works. I guess the right time never came up, I decided I would not share this sanctuary with anyone less than my soul mate. Thus the reason I have never seduced a woman with Jasmine Vanilla. Of course I hope someday I, Jasmine Vanilla, will one day use her secret arsenol to lure her soulmate by her side, the way it should be.

So where is my soulmate?? Good question. I do not know, I hope she is out there somewhere because I would really love to give her the spa treatment. If you know where she is will you be sure to tell her that I am searching for her?

Thanks....